children and skills

I get so disgusted by all tv shows like ..c.. got talant or like now on the news we find it extremely cute or something that children in adult clothes, in make up, has ben drilled to know something that normaly just adults can do..  Or that fat and ugly people can sing and preform just as good as a good looking "normal" person.. Grrrrrrrrrr!!!

Just said goodbye to my ex. My experience with my therapist yesterday was so stormy that i felt my whole life was upside down and it became very important for me to say goodbye and close our strange relationship last night.... but off course we had a very romantic crying night... ooohh dont know!!!!

Feels very strange now when i get answers from all the men on facebook that i mailed the other night,, hee heee...!


Hope you have a good morning! My mornings used to be the worse part of the day.. but now..i dont think so..

Vägen neråt... falling down part 3 Kissing frogs.

Ive kissed to many frogs before i met my therapist.  Im gonna describe something today that i know sounds kind of parody - therapy. But i think ive done the biggest break in my way towards understanding myself ever!

(english further down)
När jag var liten växte jag upp under knöliga förhållanden, en lång historia, men kortfattat i en helt "normal" familj. MEN... saker o ting har vart så påfrestande för mig som barn att jag var tvungen att hitta på en egen värld en, egen kamp och en egen strategi. där i princip bara jag har mig själv att vända mig till och lita på.

Jag tjatar ju om att försöka gå tillbaka till sin situation som barn. Det är så viktigt för att förstå sig själv. Vem var du? Hur såg du ut? Hur kände du dig? Vilka situationer minns du tydligt? Osv. SKriv ner, berätta för nån annan (som inte avbryter) skicka ett anonymt mail till mig. Det viktiga är att vara konkret. Inte bara fundera för dig själv. Skriv el berätta!

Idag gjorde min terapeut och jag. Under avslappning med slutna ögon upp en tydlig bild av mig som barn, vad jag hade på mig, hur jag såg ut, vad som syntes i mina ögon. i en verkligt svår situation från mitt liv. Jag var 8 år och skulle välja mellan min mamma och min pappa på julafton (en lång historia) jag stod uppe i hallen och skulle pratade i telefonen och grät. Vi fryste ögonblicket och jag "klev in" i rummet som mitt vuxna jag och hälsade på lilla jag. Pratade en stund, tröstade och sa hejdå för den här gången.

Detta va en helt otrolig upplevelse för mig. Cirkeln slöts, den trygghet och den vuxna person som skulle lyfta bort allt ansvar från mig var helt plötsligt där. Den som jag längtat så efter när jag var barn. Gav henne plats att tycka synd om sig själv, gav henne förståelse och sa att det inte va konstigt att det blev som det blev. Men allt ska bli bra nu....
En helt omtumlande upplevelse jag önskar att alla fick uppleva!!!!

PROBLEMET MED DEN HÄR VÄRLDEN ÄR ATT ALLA HAR SINA ANLEDNINGAR!
du med, du måste bara hitta din!

When I was little, I grew up during weird conditions, a long story, but briefly in a completely "normal" family. BUT ... things o situatins have been so stressful for me as a child that I had to invent a world of my own one, my own struggle and my own strategy.where, in principle, only I have myself to turn to and to trust.
I nag all about trying to go back to your own situation as a child. It is so important to understand yourself. Who were you? what were you like? How did you feel? What situations do you remember clearly? ETC. Write down, to tell someone else (which wont interrupt) or send an anonymous email to me. The key is to be concrete. Not just think for yourself. Write or tell! Your story has never ben told!
Today was my therapist and me. During relaxation with closed eyes, made up a clear picture of me as a child, what kind of clothes i had, how I looked, what was in my eyes. in a truly difficult situation from my real life. I was 8 years old and had to choose between my mom and my dad on Christmas (a long story) I was standing in the hallway and were talking on the phone and cried. We froze the moment and I "stepped in" in the room as me as a adult meeting little me. Said hello.Talked for a while, comforted, and said goodbye for now.
This was an incredible experience for me. The circle closed, the security and the adult person who would lift away all responsibility from me was suddenly there. The one I longed for when I was a child. Gave her room to feel sorry for herself, gave her understanding and said that its no wonder things turned out this way. But everything is gonna be fine now ....
A completely overwhelming experience I wish everyone could experience!!!THE PROBLEM IN THIS WORLD IS THAT EVERYONE HAS THEIRE REASONS!!!even you, you just have to find yours!

the only love i have

Is my day dog!
Yesterday i felt so lonely! Still have the feeling...
I was adding all men that i thought would give me attention on facebook.. Sent messages to men im not even interested in and felt sorry for myself... hee hee!

But i did four good things.
1. i took a class at my gym BODYBALANCE it was really good!! Yoga thai chi and pilates combined. Breathing is the core of life!!
2. And i was at a femenism meeting about women in arts. I felt a belonging to my sisters. And felt good because one of my really big momentum (dunno if the word is prop. used) has ben human rights! I m b a c k ! ! !



3. I was at a meeting with my boss at my old job.. i cried and felt no shame. It was a chock coming into the building again, meeting all the people. And walking in the corridor, my body was screaming: run away!!this is dangerous!!
4. I read quite much of self helping books!

wake me up.....

cry baby.....lonely baby.....sorrow baby....tired..... help me!!!!

do not feel the pressure from the bird

Hello!!!!
Im SORRY! im just squirting feel good recipes and tips jogging writing eating bla bla bla etc.
Chose your own way! dont try to do it all at once (like me) ..haha!
ONE DAY AT THE TIME. And if you cant concentrate reading or writing do it for one minute take a break!

2 feelings as a result…

I was not good (enough) today at my IMPORTANT meeting…….. strugglestruggelistruggeling…….d o n t h i n k i w i l l g e t h e j o b...

My head was spinning, i was not there at all. i kept looking at myself instead of just JUMP… 

dare, take it easy, think, don't think, feel, but control it, be spontaneous, but how?……

I met with an old co worker i met before i crashed….. he makes me tingle… i have been thinking about him and met him last week.. and now i meet him again, is it a sign?

Well. im happy to even have tingling feelings, have not had them since like….ehhhheee…. october last year?????(OMG!!!)

Lucky for me its 2 feelings of contradiction, one good feel one bad and sad feel...

Now im gonna try to enjoy the beautiful stockholm weather. Try to figure out how to deal with my "failure"… 

Then im gonna watch swedish idol.. ive become such a boring old shoe…

Write! (sleep, eat healthy.. bla bla..)

Good morning!!!
Today do yourself a big favor and go out, buy yourself a little writing book and start writing emotional diary. And! also try to analyze your axiety behavior.

EX.
Where: At a cafe. Sitting down. Lost of people.
Body: Dizzy, heart is pounding, cant get air.
Thoughts: what if i loose it, get a heart attack, screams.
What did i do? Got away from there asap.
Did it work in short term? Yes.
Long term? No.

today i have a big meeting for my  future job... time for me to start deliver..... AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

in my cameras mind

My weekend in my camera...

my weekend in pictures...

I back on track-thinking about your doctor.

Ive had a great weekend! On my way back now on the train. Good to be gone good to be back!!
How was you weekend?

Ive been thinking about the importance of finding the right doctor! Its so important to get a doctor that gets your issue so you dont fall between chairs.
With all this symtoms like heartrace, tiredness, low or high bloodpreasure, confusion, anxiety, feeling dizzy or "unreal" etc. its so important for YOU to get that all this symtoms is a part of your illness. Together NOT one by one. And for your DOCTOR to get the same picture. not just telling you to eat well exercise and your dizziness will pass..

looking forward to this week!

i have not forget!

sorry for bad blogging! im taking a little break from everyday life when im up here. sleeping for 9 hours and sleeping one time per day. And thats forbidden! To sleep in day time will not help you feel less tired or sleeping better at night. But on vacations! OK...:)
Im thinking about you really hoping that you can work with yourself.. Because getting away from axeity, depression, eatingdisorders etc. Is  a long hard struggle! We have to work, work , work.. because im sorry to say this but some is dirctley chemical, but the reason is you. You must save yourself! BUT with help from me, and others who you trust!!(who wont interrupt)

there is something special about you this morning!

I just want to remind you that you are unique.
No one knows your story and every story deserves to be told, written or at least awakened or else its just sad and a waste of knowledge.
Think of the first thing you remember as a child. Who were you? What were your relationship with your parents? and so on...Dont think beginning, middle and end or something like that. just fragments, or whatever comes across.
Tell someone you trust (who wont interrupt) write it down, show it to someone, email it (anonymous) to me.
Remember. Your story from your perspective!

good night!