save me from bad surprises

I just had a terrible nightmare.. i dreamt that my father was tricked into killing himself and make food out of his meat... like liver pate, kidney paste for sandwich, dorsal fillets and so on.... MY GOD!!!..and i was trying to figure out wether so bury this ..grocery.. or to go with his last wish.. to be eaten...
 My ex woke me up when i was crying and mumbled...




...yes he spent the night...



 Last night i wanted to surprise myself and watched Shortbus... i turned it off. It was to much for me right now.. already having a damaged sexuality.. 


My ex.. is so not right for me... i dont know what to do???!!!! I love him.. he has ben so close to my life for so many years.. he knows me so well. but we are not in love.............

HE did not really like my new dresses.....

Im a liberary-jag är ett lyckligt bibliotek

Tjofling all you brave readers!

Today i had a feeling of total happiness!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Imagine anxiety but with a positive touch! Your stomach is tickeling tingeling, your heart rase, your brain spinns... love is in the air.. love for the world and for all the people in it!
Imagine that you have an open heart and open mind and the concentration to actually listen to what people say... Thats the feeling were looking for young and old!
It lasted for a short while but THANK YOU for reminding me what it feels like not to be depressed.

Im reading soo many selfhelp books right now and i want to give you some tips:

(sorry i think the my swedish readers gets the most out of this. If ya dont want to googltranslate the
books)


 29 sidor mot...  Väldigt lämpliga små böcker på 29 sidor med tankar övningar o ex. som får dig att må bra! Finns typ på alla vanliga bokhandlar och på nätet. ca 49-69 kr.

av Kerstin Jeding

 The worry cure eller Bli av med din oro.
By: Robert Leahy 


A good and fun book but it takes some enegy and time to go trough the hole "terapi" so might not be for you who just hit the wall. But good for people with anxeity! Price in USD or Pund or Russian money idont know bur in KR 39- 59






























Fri från oro ångest och fobier Av Maria Farm och Håkan Wisung. Väldigt effektiv bok där man kan hoppa mellan kapitlen för att komma åt sin åkomma. Ångestdämpande omgående! pris 39-79 kr. Finns överallt.

to the shrink...how good am i?

ive been visiting my shrink today.. these two last days has been tough. I feel lonley, over smoking, over eating, over drinking coffee.. feel a great lack off controll.
Today we talked about me as a child... its so great to just tell your strorie from your perspective and no ones interrupting you.. bla bla me me me... great! but oh i feel so confused and tired now.. !













I want to sleep but its the middle of the afternoon, i want to do something but i dont think i want to be around people..
next week im going back to work at 25 procent... im soo nervous and feel scared and like i just dont want to go back...    

vaknar för tidigt..

Vaknar alltid för tidigt..har vart vaken sen sex. vaknar av att det surrar av tankar innan min kropp helt e vaken. Men, God morgon!!

l aways wake up too early ..  ive been awake since six.awakened by the buzzing of thoughts before my body is completely awake. But, Good morning!